we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
