Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
