You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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