but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
