I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize