i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
