Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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