apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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