she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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