Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
