Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
