new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
