What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You may now shotgun with the bride
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
