with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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