Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
