I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
