see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
