Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
