I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
In America we eat man semen.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
