he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When are your genitals available?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
