I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Drunk is a universal language darling
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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