what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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