is your mom at the bar?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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