how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
