We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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