I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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