If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
