the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
