So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
