well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I will pee on everything he values.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
