I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
