does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
