When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
