I cannot find my penis.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
