We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
