I feel like I'm in dance class right now
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
