Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
