The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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