then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
