Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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