My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
