so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
