well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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