Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
