so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
