She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
