you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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