I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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