She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
