i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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