bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
