Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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