i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i dont even know how to be here
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
