dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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