Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Do you have a shampoo for semen

(604): View more from British Columbia

Or a time machine

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(303): View more from Colorado

I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.

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(613): View more from Ontario

So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."

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(703): View more from Virginia

theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.

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(208): View more from Idaho

at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.

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(707): View more from California

Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.

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