I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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