Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
