You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
