I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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