I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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