I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
