I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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