Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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