Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
