I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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