He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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